she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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