i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I supernannyed him into submission
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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