dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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