I wanna bring you to show and tell
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
