but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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