He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
