the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
