I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize