There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
