I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
