I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
