I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
