dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
