What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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