so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
