I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
