Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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