Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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