I feel like I'm in dance class right now
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
