she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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