the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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