he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize