yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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