Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize