i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
