girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
