Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
