Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
