so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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