I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
