Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
