He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
