I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
