so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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