I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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