he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
