I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
