you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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