I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize