God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
