sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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