just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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