So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
