so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
