you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
