A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize