So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
