I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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