I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
