I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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