Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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