just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize