I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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