the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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