Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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