We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
