I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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