3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
