dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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