I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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