Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize