My cat gives me a boner
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
