I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
