we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
