It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
