Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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