im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
