just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
