i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
