Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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