let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
