I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
