I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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