Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
