I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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