and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
