He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
