I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so let's talk penis.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
