I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
