Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
