He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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