i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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