I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize